Thursday, March 29, 2007

And She's Off!

My daughter flew to LA yesterday to spend 12 days with my aunt and uncle. She is presently getting spoiled rotten at Disneyland. Getting undivided attention and adoration from two people who are so excited to be surrogate grandparents!
A little explanation: My aunt and uncle have two children. A daughter two years younger than me, and a son my brother's age. Their children were diagnosed with Friedriech's Attaxia when their daughter was 5 and when their son was 10. Friedriech's is a devastating disease. April died when she was 20. While I was pregnant with my second child. She had lost her vision and was losing her hearing. Friedriech's robs the body of everything, except the mind. Stephen is still living in assisted living, as he grew to be over 6 feet tall, and my aunt was having difficulty caring for him. His wheelchair is ENORMOUS! At any rate. My aunt and uncle will never have grandchildren. Last Mother's Day weekend, they came to my parent's house while they were on their way to Reno, and the kids and I dashed up to see them, and say hi. I made my aunt a Mother's Day gift and the kids got her a card. She was touched to tears, because she hasn't gotten a card from a little kid in years. That opened a door. I asked them if they would be willing to be surrogate grandparents to my kids. No kid can have too many grandparents. They were all to happy to accommodate them. So, R is on her first trip to visit them on her own. My aunt has more activities planned than you can imagine. Disneyland, the tea gardens, Solvang, the beach, the mall, and so on. I am so glad to be able to offer my children to them to enjoy.

I had to put R on the plane (her first time flying...ever) yesterday in Sacramento. She was nervous and excited. I am so glad that she gets to go enjoy herself for the week. She really wanted to go on the 8th grade Washington DC trip, but I couldn't afford it, so, I offered her this in exchange. I know she'll have lots of fun.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Tomorrow is...

FRIDAY Yeah. I need Friday. I'm sure the weekend will be jam packed with responsibility...but at least I can take a nap! Oh what a day. It was full of discovery for me. I have decided to join my son's teacher and her partner's sleep "nazi" group. I have found that my almost 7 year old has the most difficult mornings going to school when he doesn't get to bed before 8:30. Last night we didn't make it to bed before 8:30. It was more like 9:30 and he threw a fit and decided to sit in the principal's office (again) rather than go to school. But, Mrs. D met us outside the office and escorted my thoroughly pissed off son to first grade. I went into the staff room and cried. I cried because I am such a bad mother that I can't get my kids to bed at decent hour. I am a bad mom because I have power struggles with my 6 year old (and my 10 year old and my 12 year old and my 14 year old and my 35 year old ...oh wait the 35 year old is My One Tru Love). I cried because I am hormonal. I cried because I was tired. I just cried. But, I made it through my day. It got better, no more drama and no more tears. So, tonight is a Calgon night. I really need to decompress a bit. Tomorrow is Friday (did I mention that?).
I look forward to Saturday night when My One Tru Love is gone for the night. I get to sleep undisturbed by snoring. I swear at 3 am I was ready to smother him. I love him, but that dang snoring! I keep trying to remind myself that this is one of those things. That I love him and I would miss never hearing him snore again. But, at 3 am never hearing him snore again sounds pretty darn good. I didn't smother him. He woke fully rested and feeling ready to tackle the world. I, on the other hand, woke feeling dragged through the ringer, and tired and sore (our couch isn't the most comfortable place to sleep). My darling 6 year old was quick to promise me that he will sleep with me on Saturday night so I "won't be lonely". At least M doesn't snore.
Well, tomorrow is coffee with S and a field trip with the first grade.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Happy Monday

I just spent probably the busiest weekend in a long time. It all started on Friday morning. R, being an Irish step dancer, is in high demand around St. Paddy's Day. So, beginning Friday, I became the drive her where she needs to be mom. Taxi service, whatever... Then, Friday afternoon, I got a phone call from my hairdresser, telling me that my long awaited and planned to perfection hair appointment scheduled for two hours before the big event at our school was to be postponed due to sick children. I understand, but, my goodness, the plans I made were so perfect...shot to the nether world. My house was a disaster, and my parents were due to arrive before 9 am Saturday. Aaaah. I had to take C to a birthday party, R to a dance, and make dinner. Holy Cow#*&! I tried to clean as best I could between driving everyone where they needed or wanted to be. Then, my girlfriend called and wanted to meet for coffee. Which anyother time would be great, but, I felt so frazzled already. I agreed to meet her at 9 pm. She is my friend who lost her dad to suicide this Christmas. She needed to talk. I tried to listen, but there were a million things going through my head. She's leaving today for TN to go through her dad's belongings. Not a fun task for sure. I got home late, went to bed to sleep like ca ca. I woke up before 7 am, to do dishes, before my mom and dad got here. Then My One Tru Love asked for pancakes and eggs for breakfast! The nerve. I cooked breakfast, rushed R to CSUC for a performance and then to Windchimes for another performance, ran to pay the PG&E and phone bills, dashed over to pick up My One Tru Love's dry cleaning, and then scurried home. Then it was time to get ready for THE Event. My friend S came over to get ready, we ran to get a pizza for the kids came home picked up My One Tru Love and made it to THE Event. It was fun, I wasn't feeling the greatest. I had a headache and was feeling generally lousy. But I tried to make the most of it. Then, Sunday, grocery shopping and Science project for C. After a horrible night's sleep, M decided for the third time in three weeks that he didn't want to go to school. Today was pajama day at work, so I was in my pajamas dragging my 6 1/2 year old across the field in front of my coworkers and all the 5, 6 and 7 grade students. Not my finest moment to be sure. I plopped little Mr. M in front of the principal's office and went to begin my day at work. He ended up in class with a smile, don't know or care how...he just did. I was emotionally and physically exhausted by that time...frustrated to no end, but at least he went to school. Now, here I sit at 4:30 trying to decide what to make for dinner, and debating between laundry and a quick cat nap, since I'm still not feeling jet hot. Tomorrow has to be better, right? My One Tru Love is supposed to be out of town this weekend, and I'm not sure if it will be a good thing or a bad one. The jury is still out.

Monday, March 12, 2007


T got the flu last week. The second day of his restriction he came down with a 102 + temp. Sick sick sick little boy. I felt horrible for him. He was sick for a full five days. I finally sent him back to school on Friday since it was a half day and he hadn't run a temp since Wednesday night. Besides, he was getting bored, a sure fire sign that he was feeling better.
Saturday morning C told me he thought he was getting strep throat. Everytime he gets a sore throat since having strep he tells me that he thinks he has strep throat. It's that panic reaction, I know, I do the same thing since having strep, and I really am afraid I'll get it again. Anyway, a peek into his throat showed no signs of redness whatsoever and no white spots. No indication of strep or even a sore throat. But, his temperature was a tiny bit elevated. By that evening he was running 101. Last night we hit the mark of 102.8. He went back down last night after a ibuprofen/tylenol cocktail and now, as we speak he is rising again. He's up to 100. Poor guy.
M woke up this morning with goopy eyes and saying his ear was hurting a bit, also had a naggy cough. No temp as of yet, and his eyes look good, hasn't complained about his ear, and the cough maybe? Yeah right I know I shouldn't delude myself. I really don't want him to get really sick and I really really don't want to get sick.
Needless to say, I'm home from work today caring for the ill. I have gotten so much done. I wonder now why I couldn't get anything done before when I was a stay at home mom. Oh that's right I had little tiny kids. That does make a difference. I have gotten the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen cleaned and I am working on the third load of laundry, I still have some folding to do, but I thought I deserved lunch. Then, I guess I tackle the toys in the living room and clearing off the table. Then I think I'll make a nice dinner.
C is calling me so I must go nurse my sick boy.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Consequences Update

We decided on the consequences for my 12 yr. old. He is on restriction from all things fun (with the exception of reading, drawing and playing his guitar) for 7 days. He is missing out on a day of shooting with his dad. He is going to get to spend time with My One Tru Love, but not shooting. I didn't want time with dad to be a reward, or used as punishment. That relationship needs all the help it can get. But, the fun day of shooting, gone. So far so good. He is reading The Bridge to Terabithia and playing outside. Which can't hurt. Hopefully, he'll learn something from all of this.
The "not cut out for parenting" feeling remains. I'm not sure.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Ramblings of Confusion

Sometimes I really wonder if I am doing a good job at this parent thing. Now is one of those times.
This morning, on the way to school, my boys got into a fight in the backseat. This is not where I feel like a poor candidate for parenthood. I realize that I have three boys and they will fight. But, the thing they chose to fight about, the last piece of gum, was really ridiculous, to say the least. C was mad that T took the last piece of gum. C proceeded to throw a fit and decided to tear up paper. T decided that this was somehow cause to start WWIII. T started to hit C on the head, C started to try to claw back and nex thing I hear is a POP! and C is in breath intake mode crying and not breathing. T punched C full on in the nose. When C experiences pain in great amounts, he stops breathing. He has done this since he was a baby and got his first shots. Unexpected, intense pain causes that infant like reaction where he breathes in and loses his breath. When C reacts this way it is the sure sign that he is really hurt. We arrived at the house where we pick up our carpool girl, and R went in and got ice for C. By this time, C's nose is swelling and his left eye is starting to get black in the corner. I got really angry. I don't even know how to put it into words. I have warned T over and over and over that his anger and acting out in anger is only going to hurt someone and the consequences for him may be too great. I dropped T and M off at school and drove around the corner with C who was beginning to cry uncontrollably. This is so unlike C, that I knew that he was hurting (physically and probably a bit emotionally too). He ended up being the kitchen helper at school today all day. He had a substitute and was beyond upset even 30 minutes after the incident.
This is where I feel like parenthood is more than I should be allowed to handle. I honestly have no clue what the consequences for this should be. I am so frustrated. I am no longer angry, which is a good thing. But, I really don't know what to do. I am waiting, as I write for My One Tru Love to get home so we can further discuss this. I called him at work to give him a heads up of what we were going to have to deal with tonight, and his response was that this was big and the consequences should be big. I agree whole heartedly.
There have been apologies and forgiveness doled out. But, still, the consequences remain. As I write this, the three boys are getting along beautifully. If this morning hadn't have happened I would feel like I should be a candidate for Mother of the Year. But, right now, I just feel like it is the calm before yet another storm. Living with a 12 year old boy is becoming quite difficult. I have talked to my friends who have lived through this stage with their own boys, and have been told that this is a most difficult time. That this too will pass. But, I just feel so unequipped and ineffectual. I don't know.
I guess most of parenthood is hit and miss. You just do the best you can. I understand that, but I feel so....dumb right now.
Part of the point of this blog was to help me see the quirky, funny, proud moments of my day. To appreciate my children that much more. I just feel so overwhelmed with the whole job right now. Does that mean I am a good parent? Or a loser parent?