Something's Bugging Me

I read tracey's blog http://tracey-justanothermommyblog.blogspot.com/2007/04/too-much-freakin-nature.html (since I don't know how to link it any other way...here it is). I had to say something about it.
I am the mother of a survivor of molestation. T was molested at age 5 one time by a neighbor boy (young teenager at the time). It was a five minute time period when he was out of my site, and an awful thing happened. Fourtunately, it wasn't as awful as it could have been. Fourtunately, I noticed that he was no longer in our backyard.

What I wanted to say, what has been bugging me since reading the comments to tracey's blog, is this...I don't feel sorry for the molestor. I don't care if he (or she) is tagged with a lifelong label. Guess what?! My family is forever changed because my son was molested.

I did the right thing, when I found out what happened. I went to the Sherriff's department, filed a report. I got counseling for my son, I went to the interview with the DA. I did all of the right things. T did all of the right things. He told the truth. To the deputy, to the DA, to his counselor. We have prayed for help in forgiving the molestor. We have done all the things that you can do when something horrible like this touches you.

We are different, because of a five minute period of time, in June 2000. We will never be the same. My son had a piece of his soul murdered. He wasn't raped (Praise the Lord), he was violated. His trust in himself and other people was taken.
The registry is just an eye opener. It is a tool. It may or may not save a child from being victimized. But, it is only a tool. I check that darn registry obsessively. I run my children's coaches, dance teachers, guitar teachers, anyone who has contact with my child...because, all it took for us was five minutes of me not knowing...I know, especially based on our experience, that it happens, no matter how careful you are. But, at least I am informed.

Seven years down the road, we still battle the monster called molestation. It has placed it's ugly stamp on my son's heart. He will constantly feel different, because of what was taken from him. But, he is a survivor. He is not a victim. He survived. He forgives daily. He forgives the molestor. He forgives me. He forgives his dad. Mostly, he forgives himself. Even though we have told him from the beginning that this wasn't his fault, he blames himself. He has to forgive himself, he has to tell himself that he is good enough. Five minutes robbed him of so much. Five minutes broke his heart into a million pieces. Pieces I and My One Tru Love are constantly trying to pick up and put back together.

My son is so much more than what happened to him. He is talented. He is tender hearted. He is a hero (Trish, we can leave that for another post). He is a big brother. He is loving. He is forgiving. He can conquer anything.

I'm tired of being told that I should feel badly for the bad choices people make. I'm tired of hearing that more money needs to be poured into rehab/counseling for offenders. I want to see real consequences. I'm a bit biased...our monster never paid. He never felt real consequences. Maybe that is something I need to let go, and forgive, and move on...but I want to see that there is a consequence for evil.